The Emotional Cost of Endless Swiping

When the bell rang on this rainy Monday morning, Nikki was anything but excited about the last semester that would take her out into the working world.

This particular morning there was more than one reason.

The first was yesterday.

It had taken her forever to fall asleep and when she did, she dreamed of Fredric.

It had only been months since he left, leaving an ambiguous sense of why in Nikki’s body.

Was it because of his business in other countries or was this about them?

About her?

The confusion of the breakup that had taken her from a journey towards a stronger her in her dreams and she dreamed of foggy roads where she wandered around naked with a constant feeling of being followed and watched but she saw no people or animals in the areas where she ran.

It was all in her head.

Now as always.

The other reason she hated this morning was that their graduation exams were going to be handed out today.

No one knew for sure what it was about other than that it was a collaboration with the AI students.

In the state Nikki was in now, there was nothing she wanted less.

Most of all, she wanted to be in peace, but at the same time she had another persona to emphasize.

Her Dating Line account.

There she had tens of thousands of followers who followed her adventures through the different tracks, paths, shortcuts and detours of love and she didn’t want to let them down.

Or herself.

Because where did she really get the unconditional boundless love if not on social media.

Dating apps and online dating were infallible means partly to gain new hope of finding love and partly to get confirmation. What if there was something else?

But Dating Line was still an easier way because dating took time and resources.

How alone did she want to be, she asked herself as she got into the shower to wash off the sweat and fatigue?

She didn’t get any answers, so she got dressed and made a smoothie (pictured on Dating Line) before heading off to school.

She scrolled through her feed on the way.

Babydoll 7615: How did the date go yesterday?

Chicagoman9898: Happy today?

😀

HopeAndMorningglory : How are you darling?

Tired of men: Do you have more luck than me?

She sent her hearts.

She had long since stopped responding to comments.

There was no need anymore because they came in anyway and the algorithm made her flow stronger, which ultimately gave her more followers and love.

She snorted the last word.

The school was located near a park and the surroundings were excellent for art studies.

It was a quiet area in the heart of the city but without much traffic.

Nikki worked her way up the stairs to one of her classrooms to receive the last assignment of the semester.

It was with weary steps that she climbed the stairs.

The third reason for this difficult morning had to do with this assignment.

If she didn’t pass it, there was a risk that she wouldn’t get any grade at all.

Everything that happened in her private life last semester had culminated in the breakup and it had affected her schoolwork.

Even the warnings hadn’t made her bring herself to do what was required.

But the teachers considered her a talent so she had a chance to pass the exam by a hair’s breadth and that was by doing this last test as well as she could.

A passing grade wouldn’t be enough.

With those thoughts, she took a seat in the classroom and waited for their head teacher to come in and tell her about the project.

The thought of being paired with one of the nerdy AI students was about what threatened to push her over the edge.

But fate has a strange ability to change the grayest everyday life into a future that you can’t foresee.

If you even wanted it, and if so, Nikki knew nothing when the door to the classroom opened.

The hardest part was never finding someone. It was daring to feel something.